Reprinted from the "Titipu Dragon and Nippon News"

SCANDAL OF CITY COUNCIL CORRUPTION

The serious displeasure of our exalted ruler, the Mikado, has been expressed in a letter to Titipu's well-known leading citizen, Lord High Executioner, Ko-Ko.  In an interview with a "Dragon" reporter, Executioner Ko-Ko said, in colloquial terms: "The Mikado has spotted that we have not been having any executions lately.  He writes to say that unless I chop somebody, sharpish, Titipu had had it.  The city will be marked down to the rank of a village."

Pish-Tush, a prominent associate of Ko-Ko, when asked whether this could be serious, replied, "It would involve us all in irretrievable ruin."

The "Dragon" has therefore thought it proper to order a special enquiry by its Municipal Correspondent.  Here is his report:

STARTLING DECEPTION

I have made a sensational discovery.  It appears that Nanki-Poo, one of the latest recruits to our Town Band, who has been "sending" the "cats" in recent weeks (he plays second trombone, doubling baggage man and band treasurer) is none other than the son of the Emperor.  I got this information by bribing a local official.  A suitable sum slipped to Pooh-Bah, the city council's public relations' officer, car park attendant and Lord Mayor elect (he combines a number of duties) brought facts to light; the story was confirmed by the City Recorder, the clerk to the Justices, and the Town Hall keeper. (Pooh-Bah acts in all these capacities.)

Our readers may recall that Ko-Ko became our chief citizen when the Emperor made a decree that flirting should be punished by execution.  Ko-Ko, who was then a back street tailor in a small way of business, was under sentence of death at the time, and so the city released him and made Lord High Executioner, it being argued that as he was the next on the list for execution, he would not be able to decapitate anyone else until he had first cut off his own head.  This cosy arrangement was upset only when Nanki-Poo appeared in the city.

ROYAL ROMANCE

It seems that he had net her and fallen in love with a local girl, Yum-Yum; but she was not only under the guardianship of Ko-Ko, she was also his fiancée. 

 Nanki-Poo, in desperation, threatened suicide, but Ko-Ko did a deal with him.  He had just had the Mikado's letter, so that he had arranged that Nanki-Poo should be executed.  But the boy stuck out for an arrangement that he should be allowed to marry Yum-Yum and enjoy a month of married bliss before the execution.

Our readers will recall the public rejoicings at the betrothal and how they were sensationally interrupted by the arrival of Katisha, an elderly lady of the Royal court.  She demanded that Nanki-Poo should return to Tokyo and marry her.  Shouted down by his friends, she left the city, threatening vengeance all round.

THE PLOT THICKENS

Sources close to the throne (our correspondent goes on) believe that the wedding of Yum-Yum and Nanki-Poo might have gone without a hitch had it not been for the intervention of Pooh-Bah.

Acting as solicitor to Ko-Ko (and backing his own opinion with that of the Lord Chief Justice, Master of the Rolls, and Keeper of the Town Mace) Pooh-Bah showed that under an ancient law, if Yum-Yum married Nanki-Poo and he were to be beheaded, she would have to buried alive.

Yum-Yum, an open-air girl, disliked this stuffy idea and the engagement was broken off.

Nanki-Poo was all for ending the whole business by stabbing himself then and there.  Although it seemed a waste of a good execution and a public holiday, Pooh-Bah urged Ko-Ko to act professionally at once.  He had intended to take lessons in decapitation, but he had neglected to enrol for the course at the College of Further Education.

MORE CORRUPTION REVEALED

It was at this point that another dastardly piece of corruption came to light (says our correspondent).  Ko-Ko got Pooh-Bar to swear that Nanki-Poo had been executed, and Coroner Pooh-Bah issued the death certificate to prove it.  The Mikado arrived in the city somewhat unexpectedly.  Ko-Ko, with the corroboration of Yum-Yum's friend, Pitti-Sing, and some extra evidence provided by Pooh-Bah (at the usual fee of course) swore that the execution had taken place.  It was Katisha, however, who spotted Nanki-Poo's name on the death certificate.

It looked for a time as though the Mikado's wrath at the loss (as he supposed it to be) of the heir of the throne would give Titipu a clean sweep of its dishonest officialdom.  His Serene Majesty scattered death sentences like confetti and went off to a civic lunch.

However, it was meanwhile represented to Ko-Ko that if he could persuade Katisha to marry him, Nanki-Poo could come back to life and a thoroughly awkward situation might be resolved.  And so it turned out.

But although disaster to the city was averted (the "Dragons" correspondent concludes) the citizens will surely demand the impeachment of Pooh-Bah.  Sharp practice is one thing; downright wholesale dishonesty is quite another.  Titipu cannot afford the luxury of the high-born, low-moral Pooh-Bah a moment longer.  HE MUST GO!

Bertram Mycock -  from the 1961 production programme